If you follow me on social media at all you would’ve seen that I’ve started a somewhat inappropriate, and ‘not so subtle’ card line to add to my Kross&Co Etsy store… and not to toot my own horn here, but they’ve been so damn popular!
The question i’ve most often been asked is “why/ how did you come up with these?”
Well, strap yo’selves in my friends, this is a goodie. We shall call it “Chronicles of Drunk (and sometimes sober) Dean”. If you have me on snapchat you would already be well aware of this series.
So one fateful day the day, (the day after Easter Monday to be precise) I had woken up and gone to work as any normal Tuesday. The night before we had been to my Dad’s for dinner and he did a roast pork with veg.. delish and I promise 100% relevant to this story. Now, Dean LOVES crackle. I mean absolutely LOVES it. Loves it so much that he ate himself to the point of feeling unwell… the texts that follow went something (exactly) like this…
K: “Morning, hope you’re feeling a bit better this morning”
D: “yeah, I’m fine now since earlier when I shit on the kitchen floor”
K: *at this point absolutely losing it at work, can’t speak, can’t breathe type of laughing* UM WHAT?
D: “yeah, put a towel on after my shower and walked to the laundry and farted. Then it started running down my leg.”
I can’t remember what the rest said but it included a whole lot of laughing emojis, and probably a couple of questions about the cleanliness of my kitchen floor. And that was the time that Dean learnt not to eat too much crackle.
DISCLAIMER: Dean gave me his
forced full permission to post this on here. Everyone pretty much already knows about it anyway.
So, from this was born the “Thanks for putting up with my shit” card..
There’s a whole lotta stories in the middle here that I really can’t remember, there are waaaaay too many to write so i’ll skip to the most recent and best.
So, Dean goes for a night out with his new work mates. Obviously has a lovely time and rolls on in at around 2am putting himself to bed.
At around 3am I wake up to the shaking of Dean jumping (imagine a surfer jumping into wave riding position, but instead of being on their stomach they are on their back) and landing on all fours projectile vomiting over the end of the bed. You should be happy it was on the floor I hear you say…. well. It wasn’t. Poor little furry Enzo was sleeping on that floor at the end of the bed, and he wore a 12 hour drinking sesh worth of gunk, and a recently ingested Harry’s Cafe De Wheels hotdog. Yep. To make things worse (or better, i’m still not sure) Enzo was really overdue for his haircut so he was particularly furry meaning that the chunks of Dean’s poorly chewed hotdog stuck.
I spent a good hour with a DIY face shield mask and gloves picking out those chunks, whilst simultaneously spraying Enzo with Glen20. I’m sure that wasn’t great for him but hey, he eats toilet rolls and he’s still fine. I was absolutely FUMING to be awake at 3am, picking frankfurt from my dogs hair. So when Dean woke up the next day with a very sore head and zero recollection of why I was sleeping on the couch and the dogs wouldn’t go near him, he then bathed Enzo time and time again until the smell was gone.
And so was born, one of my fav cards & sayings in general…
Basically, the reason for my cards was a combination of thought bubbles along the lines of “I wish I could give Dean a card saying X” and the fact that I really wanted to create some custom, funny cards that really get straight to the point of saying what you really think.
They absolutely are NOT for the faint hearted, but if you’d like to check out the full collection you can visit my etsy store HERE.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Comment below or if you’d prefer you can email me firstname.lastname@example.org
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